


Casey Tucker isn't taking bullshit from boys today

by orangetree



Category: South Park
Genre: Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 17:04:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17410826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangetree/pseuds/orangetree
Summary: Casey Tucker isn't taking bullshit from boys today thank you.





	Casey Tucker isn't taking bullshit from boys today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redrocketracer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrocketracer/gifts).



Casey Tucker wouldn’t sit still as her mom combed through her long dark hair with one of those wide tooth combs. She was braiding her hair and she kept squirming. Her hair was usually long and tangled under her blue chullo hat. This seemed to be a sore spot with her mother lately. 

“Casey if you don’t sit still, your hair will be all tangled.” She tied blue ribbons around the bottom of the plaits. She never liked the ribbons much, but her mom insisted they looked so pretty. Her mom wrestled her into a blue dress and white knee socks and insisted she go outside and play. She had to wear a dress but she couldn’t get messy. She didn’t understand exactly what her mother wanted from her lately. She just tried to make the best of it, put her blue jacket on over her nice clothes and hope she didn’t get them dirty so her mother wouldn’t be upset. 

“Why do you look like that?” Clyde Donovan asked her as they threw rocks into Stark’s Pond. They spent their days running around outside, kicking around a soccer ball or pretending to be ninjas. She was ten years old and it didn’t take a genius to notice the girls and boys were more divided than ever. The girls didn’t really like spending time with her except for Lola, that was only because they both played the viola in the school orchestra. They didn’t understand why she wasn’t interested in the things they liked. She didn’t want to make lists about the boys in class or rate the members of One Direction from ugliest to cutest. Clearly it was Zayn Malik, but that was just her opinion. She liked reading about space, looking at the stars with the telescope her dad bought her. She liked being outside, exploring Stark’s pond or looking for cool bugs. She didn’t understand why the girls didn’t care about these things. She was having a hard time understanding the girls around her. She wondered if her mom would be happier if she was more like them. She felt she let her down sometimes. She knew her mom loved her, but she just wondered if she had trouble understanding her.

“Mind your fucking business Clyde.” She turned towards him and tossed a little rock right at him. It hit him in the chest and he huffed as he tossed one at a lilypad without a toad. Clyde was her best friend, she had never known a time when she didn’t know him. Sometimes he drove her insane, he was a cry baby and he wanted so badly to be cool. He was starting to become a person she didn’t recognize. Ever since the girls voted him cutest in the class, he had becoming vainer, cockier. She didn’t always like him, even if she loved him like a brother. You could dislike your family even if you loved them. That was the rule.

Tweek Tweak held her hand on the playground. He was shaking when he asked if she wanted to be his girlfriend. He was cute, he didn’t pick his nose in public, or get involved in whatever it was Stan and those guys wasted their time on. Sometimes they just read their comics quietly together, sometimes they would play elaborate imagination games. Sometimes they just held hands and sat quietly on the edge of the playground, observing everyone. Those were her favourite times of all. When they could sit together quietly and not have to fill the space up with mindless small talk. 

“You did really well on that science test.” Tweek told her quietly. She didn’t like to be told she was pretty, she wanted to be told she was smart. She just squeezed his hand gently and crossed her legs at the ankle. Tweek liked that she was smart, that she was her own person. She wasn’t like the other girls, she wasn’t like the boys, she was just Casey. They were two oddballs that found each other.

“Thanks Tweek.” She wondered if they were only dating because everyone else in their class was starting to pair off. Clyde liked Bebe Stevens, Token liked Nichole Daniels, Stan Marsh liked Wendy Testaburger. They all had girlfriends, they all started going to boy/girl parties. Would they have ever started all this if they weren’t trying to be like everyone else? Did she even want to be like everyone else? She was too young to be having an existential crisis, but here she was. 

“Don't you think you should be sitting with the girls Tucker?” Eric Cartman had a double helping of pizza on his plate and he was looking at her so expectantly. It was a get the fuck out of here look. She was seated between Clyde and Tweek and they were all looking at their pokemon cards. She was about to say something about the reason he was so fat was he had double lunch when she heard Kyle pipe up first.

“Don't you think you only need one piece of pizza fatass?” Kyle Broflovski elbowed him hard in the side and that lead to an absolutely inane argument. She pretended she didn’t care about Cartman had to say, but she knew he was right. She didn’t feel like she fit with the boys like she used to, they all looked at her funny and sometimes they would stop talking when she sat down at their lunch table. The girls didn’t really like her either. She had no tribe. It wasn’t like making friends came easily to her. She was awkward and mean, not exactly great traits for socializing. She sat there was a frown on her face when she felt Clyde gently touch her shoulder.

“Are you trading me your Umbreon for my Raichu or what?” He asked her. She sighed and made the trade. He looked so happy, she didn’t have the heart to tell him she had another Umbreon. 

The girls were angry at the boys and expected her to side with them. They had a plan, they were all going to break up with their boyfriends and that would teach them to post mean and nasty things on the school message boards. Red begged her to join their side. They needed to band together, a united front. She just had to join them, it would show the boys they meant business. 

“Fine, I’ll do it.” She slammed her locker shut. Tweek was one of the only people she could stand most of the time. But these idiotic boys, they needed to be taken down a peg. 

“Im breaking up with you.” She told Tweek solemnly as she handed him a note. “You must understand.” She walked away with Lola Parker and her cousin Red. Tweek took her note and looked shocked she actually sided with the girls. She never sided with the girls. When this all blew over, she ended up putting another note in Tweek’s locker telling him she was sorry and wanted to get back together. He looked relieved he didn’t have to find another girlfriend who liked building forts, playing video games and taking care of their shared guinea pig. Tweek was familiar, he was nice and he always let her play the lead in their games. He was an ideal partner for a fourth grader. She had collected the data, going over which boy would be the best boyfriend. She didn’t need the girls and their stupid list, she could do this all on her own.

She put so much work into her Feldspar the thief costume. Her hair was back in a complicated plaited hairstyle. She had her badminton racket of doom, this time, they were going to take the kingdom back from the wizard king Cartman. Her mom patted her hair down gently and placed her hat on her head. 

“You look like a fierce warrior Case.” Her dad smiled over his newspaper. He liked that his daughter had her own interests and didn’t worry about what the other kids thought. She was smart and independent. While she worried she let her mother down, she always had her father by her side. 

“Thanks dad.” She put her cape on and swung her racket again as she ran to join her friends. This time it was going to be different, she was going to win a real quest and run and get dirty. Just all the things that were fun. She wasn’t going to be stuck on the sidelines like always. 

“Im here.” She joined Clyde, Token, Jimmy and Tweek outside of Kyle’s house and she heard Cartman scoff. Their costumes looked really cool, everyone had worked so hard on this, she couldn’t wait to play. 

“Why aren’t you in the dress bitch?” Cartman asked her. “You’re the only girl, you have to be the princess.” He pointed out. He wasn’t wrong, she had been the princess for the last four games. They all raced to rescue her and she had to reward whomever won with a kiss to the cheek. That was her least favourite part, the kiss. She only wanted to kiss Tweek and he never won. It was usually Stan Marsh or Cartman who told her she was too ugly for him to kiss. She didn’t want to wear that stupid dress. She worked really hard on this costume, she actually tried. Not like their superhero outfit which was her old blue sweater with a piece of paper with an S drawn on it.

“I want to be the thief this time.” She mumbled as Cartman nudged her towards the dress. It was purple and white and there was a tiara too. She knew she would end up in the dress, she always ended up in the dress. She wrinkled her nose at the dress, it really needed to be washed.

“Just put it on carpet muncher so we can get on with this.” Cartman just shoved the dress at her this time and she snatched it from him.

“Fine! You get your way again fatass.” She started to stomp her way into Kyle’s house so she could put the damn dress on. Cartman always won, he always got his way. When he didn’t, he just kicked them out of his yard or he went home. 

“I’ll put the dress on.” Kenny McCormick had his hood down. He had golden blond hair and bright blue eyes and her cheeks flushed when she looked at him. He was cute and kind, they played together by themselves sometimes. They played space girl and alien. Kenny was the alien and he always let her catch him. Her mom made him a felt green alien hat with multiple eyeballs. He didn’t tell her that he wore it sometimes when he was home and pretended he was flying. He was an alien after all. She was becoming one of his favourite friends, he could go to her when his friends were too much. Sometimes he needed some peace and quiet. It was always peaceful and quiet at the Tucker house. No chance of dying there.

“If Casey doesn’t want to be the princess, I can do it. I’ll be princess Kenny.” He smiled his gap toothed smile at her and she smiled her little crooked smile back. Kenny put the dress on over his clothes and he borrowed a blond wig from the dress up box. He looked very pretty and she ended up saving his kingdom. She wanted to rub it in Cartman’s fat face, she outwitted and out played him. She could do more than wait around and be rescued.

“Oh brave thief, how ever will I reward you?” Kenny used a high pitched voice. She was hoping he would give her his cookies, but he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. She flushed again and looked down at her boots. She was able to run and get dirty and the boys just treated her like a regular kid and not some stupid girl. It was the first time she felt like she fit in with them in a long time. She missed this, when they just played and everything felt like it always had. She missed just being a kid with them. Everything was about to change, middle school was around the corner. They had so few of these moments left. They had to enjoy them while they still could.

Tweek had his hands on her waist as they danced at the boring sixth grade dance. Her dress was blue and had a light blue ribbon around the waist. She had on gold flat shoes and her hair was curled down her back. Her mom let her wear lipgloss and sprayed some of her Chanel Chance perfume on. She had tears in her eyes as she looked over at her daughter. 

“You look so pretty sweetie.” She gave her curls one more fluff. She was trying so hard not to roll her eyes at her. To just smile prettily at her mother and accept the compliment. She was wearing the dress, she had her hair curled, she was doing this for her mom because she was a good mom. The best mom honestly and even if she would rather be wearing jeans, Vans and a sweater, she would put that dress on her for every time.

“Smile kids.” Her dad took their picture before Tweek’s dad drove them to the dance. Tweek was trembling gently in the back seat. She just reached over and took his hand in her’s. They had been dating since the fourth grade and it all felt so friendly at this point. They read together and did their homework together. They played video games and watched cartoons. They held hands out of expectations and she wondered if there was more than this. They had kissed a few times, it always felt awkward, like they were trying it out. She should have known then, they were meant to be best friends. 

She looked over at Kenny dancing with Millie Larsen and she wished it was her. She didn’t want to admit it, but ever since Kenny offered to play the princess last year, she had started to look at him differently. She wasn’t the only one looking at someone else, she saw Tweek glance at Sally Turner and look down embarrassed. They had been going out for so long, it was too familiar. While they liked each other, they knew things had run its course. 

They broke up the summer before the seventh grade. It was no drama, they said they would stay friends. They sat outside of Stark’s Pond, her long legs in denim shorts and worn down vans sneakers. They sat there for a while, throwing rocks at the pond like old times and talking about their Pokemon cards. It was like nothing had changed, she still loved Tweek so much, losing him was not an option. It was that summer she had broken up with the boys too. She was tired of them trying to look down her shirt or treat her differently. It was painful. If she had noticed the difference between boys and girls in the fifth grade, then it was nothing compared to now. 

“I'm tired of talking about who has the best tits in our year, can’t we just do something else.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and looked over at them. Clyde and Cartman just laughed.

“It’s definitely not you Tucker. If you don’t like it, you can go hang out with the girls.” Cartman taunted her. Token and Jimmy were playing Borderlands and Stan and Kyle were shooting hoops outside. She didn’t want to do any of these things. Honestly, she was tired of feeling like she didn’t fit here. She was tired of feeling like she didn’t fit anywhere. Her body felt foreign as it developed, her hips were still bony, but her chest was starting to develop. She like she grew too tall and too gangly. She felt like she didn’t have any friends anymore, she just felt like she was floating in space. 

But she didn’t have to feel like that. She started to hang out with the girls that summer. She went to the mall, she watched whatever teen show they were all into. She discovered not all the girls were shallow or stereotypical. But even if they liked those sorts of things, did it matter? People could like what they liked. It didn’t matter if the girls liked makeup or sports or science, she was trying not to judge them either.

“You have good legs Case, have you thought about joining the cheerleading squad?” Bebe Stevens was painting her toenails a dark purple. Casey had never thought about the cheerleading squad, she hadn’t even thought about hanging out with the girls until a few weeks ago. But it would give her something to do, maybe encourage more tumbling into it. She used to love to turn cartwheels and handstands. Red, Nichole and Lola were all on it, it could be fun. 

“All right.” She just flipped through a Teen Vogue magazine. It gave her something to do. She had made a whole new group of friends, this was a fresh start in middle school. On the first day, she looked at her old friends all gathered at their table. Cartman now held court, Stan and Kyle laughing at him behind their sandwiches. Clyde actually laughed at what he had to say and that hurt. She just glared at them as she sat at the girls’ table. She was on the accelerated path with Heidi, Wendy, Token and Kyle. Kyle sat behind her and she felt him poke her with a pencil.

“Stop poking me Broflovski” She said turning around. He wasn’t wearing that stupid green hat anymore and his hair was a ginger jewfro. He looked stupid and he was still self righteous and annoying. But at least he didn’t call her muff diver and carpet muncher, so that made him better than Cartman.

“Can you please come back to the lunch table? Clyde acts like a real dick without you there to tell him to cut the shit.” He had always been a whiner and honestly, she wanted to roll her eyes at him. But she knew he was right. No, Clyde made his choice, he chose to act like a dick, so she was going to pretend he didn’t exist. That was the way of the world, act like a dick, be treated like a dick. 

“Fuck off.” She pretended to be going over the syllabus with the rest of the class. This was Kyle’s problem or Stan’s or whomever else was dealing with this nonsense crap. She made new friends. Sort of, some of these people were just as annoying as Clyde, but they just weren’t directing it towards her. She could be selfish, she had a right to be selfish. They were the ones who changed, it wasn’t her. This was their fault.

She came to school in her cheerleading uniform the next week. Her hair was half up pulled with green and white ribbons. She awkwardly pulled down the skirt as she walked in with her carpool, Red wearing the same uniform. Stan Marsh had on his football jersey and Kyle riding his popularity coattails. Nothing was clearly going to change in middle school. 

“Hey Casey.” Kenny leaned against the locker next to her as she put her French book and lunch away. “You look very peppy.” She elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Fuck off McCormick.” But she let him walk her to class. Kenny was still chill and didn’t wear his hood anymore. He was handsome and well liked. He was one of the few boys she still talked to. He never treated her as anything except for Casey. The same girl he coloured with and played space invader with. He made her feel anchored to the world. He made her feel like she had a place. She still struggled with finding her place. She liked having friends, the girls weren’t so bad. But it still didn’t feel quite right. Nothing felt quite right and it hadn’t for a long time. This was the time of your life where you’re still trying to find who you are. She was still searching for who she was, what she wanted. This was fun for now, she would see what came of it later.

If middle school made her feel awkward and lost, high school was even worse. Nothing had changed. She hung out with the girls, she missed her old friends. Token, Tweek and Jimmy had reached out, but it wasn’t the same. She kept hoping Clyde would come to his senses, she would find her eyes searching for him at lunch, in the hallways. But it wasn’t the same. Sometimes they would just nod at each other, once he said hi. He must have felt brave because all he received in return was a glare. She didn’t want to, she had to. She had already had her heartbroken by him once. She couldn’t let it happen again.

She was sitting with Nichole and Red at Token’s birthday party. They had all gathered around his pool, watching Cartman canon ball in and make a huge splash. She crossed her arms over her chest, she wished she hadn’t worn a bathing suit to this thing. Her body was gangly and awkward. She didn’t have the curves Bebe had, she didn’t even know if she wanted them. She felt Clyde look over at her and she looked down. She missed him too, but everything had changed.

“Hey.” He sat down next to her on a lawn chair, their arms pressed together. Clyde had grown taller and stronger. His childhood pudginess had all but melted away. Girls liked him now, she could see them giggle when he came in. She was glad for him, all he wanted was to be popular. Now he was, he was starting high school on a high note. She wondered how long it would be before he left Jimmy and Tweek behind.

“Hi.” She hadn’t really talked to Clyde since the sixth grade. She wondered if he even missed her at all. 

“Im playing football this year, so maybe we can actually start hanging out again.” He would be playing football, she would be cheering. It was only natural they would gravitate back together. Is that was she wanted? Did she even know what she wanted anymore? Finding who you are is hard when you’re fourteen. Nothing fit her, she didn’t know where she belonged. She didn’t know what label she was or what group she belonged with. She just knew it was nice to have a group at all. She didn’t mind cheerleading itself. She had fun dancing and tumbling. The girls were fine, she had been hanging out with them for three years now. Sometimes she missed the way things used to be, running around, looking for bugs or looking at the stars. The things that made you happy as a kid. 

“Yeah, maybe we can hang out sometime.” She agree with him. It was all pleasantries and politeness. It was nothing like it used to be. She just sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest and pretended she didn’t see Clyde glance down at her legs and turned a little red.

“Do you even miss me?” She looked over at him. She had to know. Did he even remember all the things they used to do together. The way they were two peas in a pod when they were kids. She always stood up for him when people picked on Clyde for being a cry baby or how many sleepovers they had that ended in tears because Clyde missed his mom or for one reason or another he needed her. She needed him and he left her behind.

“I miss you everyday.” He looked over at her with his big brown eyes and she saw that glassiness. She knew he was on the verge of tears even if he pretended he was beyond that. “I just, I don't know. I didn't want the attention on me. I'm sorry.” The slight wibble of a bottom lip. She could still read Clyde like a book.

“You left me alone, I had to face that by myself. I needed you.” Kenny had taken his place as her best guy friend. Clyde chose popularity over her. The thing was, Stan Marsh was popular too, so was Kenny and by extension Kyle and they were all nice to her. Stan Marsh talked to her during the carpool and Kyle was in all her courses. It was Clyde who changed. 

“Can we just be friends again?” He looked at her. It wasn’t that easy to play pretend. To forget all their history, good or bad. But she couldn’t forget either. The good and the bad. 

“Lets just sit here awhile ok?” She answered. That was always Casey for we’ll see. If they could fall back into a comfortable silence, maybe nothing had really changed. If the silence was awkward and too loud, maybe they needed to move on. She felt his arm around her slight shoulders and the slight pull of his smile. He tried, so she was willing to try.

Kenny was watching her do her routine in her backyard. She always performed her routines for him. He never judged her, he always liked it. Sometimes he even did it along with her. She knew he did this to make her laugh and feel less self conscious. Their routine was to Glamorous by Fergie, Bebe chose the music. The routine was heavy on the hip roll and fluid movement. It wasn’t what she had chosen, but Bebe was captain, so her rules.

“That's really good Case.” They were laying on the grass looking up at the clouds. She wiped at her forehead with her tee shirt and just tossed it off. She had on a sports bra and running shorts, Kenny never looked over at her. He just wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him. Kenny was still her constant. Since the fourth grade, she had always disappeared into Kenny when she needed a break from her regular life. 

“It's not what I would have chosen.” She looked up at the clouds, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face for once. She was leaving for camp in two weeks and it would be fourteen long days without Kenny. They had been spending more and more time together that summer. She traveled between cliques, she still liked hanging out with the girls. She had fun with them, going to movies and discussing her AP classes with Heidi Turner and Wendy. She started spending time with the boys again, playing video games and giving them intel on their various crushes. But she spent the most time with Kenny, it was so easy to be with him. They could talk about everything, she could confide in him. He never made her feel like a puzzle piece that never quite fit. You could wiggle it in there, but the picture would be slightly off. 

“I'm going to miss you, but I think you know that.” He told her softly. Kenny had a nice tan, his skin a golden colour. His hair was highlighted from mowing lawns in the sun. She reached over and brushed the hair out of his eyes and her hand lingered on his cheekbone for a moment. He leaned forward and kissed her gently. No tongue, frantic neediness. Just a little swipe of the lips.

“Im sorry I did that.” Kenny went to apologise, but she stopped him. She wanted it too. The only person she had ever kissed was Tweek and that was back in the sixth grade. She had played kissing games at parties, but she never counted them. It was never someone she would have wanted to kiss otherwise. She remembered in the eighth grade being forced into a closet with Butters and both of them just standing there awkwardly at first and then ending in a conversation about Game of Thrones for the rest of the seven minutes. It could have ended worse honestly. He looked embarrassed as they heard someone approaching the door, so she grabbed him quickly and gave him a quick peck on the lips so they looked like they had been kissing.

“I wont tell if you won't.” She murmured to him and he nodded quickly. She never told anyone the truth and sometimes it was nice to help someone look cooler than they normally were. Butters was a very strange person and she didn’t understand him most of the time, but she liked him all the same.

“No, don’t be sorry.” She looked over at him. “I didn't mind it.” She gave him a little closed mouth smile. They spent the rest of the afternoon eating slices of watermelon and looking at the clouds. A perfect summer day. 

Cheerleading camp was grueling in the hot sun. They held it at the University of Colorado Boulder and it actually got hot down there for more than a few weeks. They slept in dorm rooms and there was a boy’s football camp down there too.

“Lets sneak out and hang with the boys.” Red was fluffing up her ponytail. She was standing in front of a full length mirror, seeing how her new cropped top looked on her. It was fine like everything else she wore. She was pretty with a nice figure. She knew how to hold her frame so everything laid just right on her.

“Do we have to?” Casey was combing out her wet dark hair. She wore band t shirts and denim shorts, she wore that everyday. She saw no need to socialise with these strange new boys when they had their own strange boys at home. She was texting Kenny and he was sending her pictures of the boys at Stark’s pond. The sky looked so pretty as it reflected off the water. She missed him so much, she like she was missing something. Like a phantom limb was gone, she was so used to having Kenny by her side.

“Kenny isnt your boyfriend, have some fun up here.” Red changed into an even shorter pair of shorts, like they were the idea of shorts, but they didn't materialize just right. She was sliding her feet into a pair of wedge sandals that made her legs look longer and Casey just sighed and jammed her feet into her worn down vans. They were red and looked like little kid shoes. Canvas with white laces. 

These boys were boring. She didn’t know how to talk to them and Bebe and Red made this all look so easy. They were drinking cheap beer that someone in the dorm bought for them and it was bitter on her tongue. The boy she was sitting next to kept running his hand over her bare leg and she didn’t like that either.

“Please stop.” She looked over at him with her big sleepy eyes and he pretended he didn’t hear her. The boys at home would have never pulled this crap, they were all slightly afraid of her. They remembered she could beat the crap out of them in the fourth grade and that reputation followed her through middle school. This boy didn't know that, he wasn’t afraid to ignore her wishes.

“Do you have a boyfriend at home?” He kept asking her. Did it matter if she did or not? She didn’t like him touching her and she was about to break his nose.

“No, but that doesn’t mean I want your hand on my leg.” She looked over at him with a withering stare. She was tough, she didn't take people’s shit. Being away from the boys taught her that. She was never going to take someone’s shit again.

He pretended he didn't hear her again and tried to kiss her this time. He ended up with a beer in his lap and a slap to the face. Casey Tucker wasn’t taking bullshit from men today. She didn’t need anyone to stand up for her, she could do it herself. She stomped back to the dorm and felt this tightening in her chest. Even though she was no damsel in distress, it still made tears sting her dark eyes. He didn’t listen, he treated her like her voice didn’t matter. She was tired of taking shit from men. She said no, she said dont touch me, he did it anyways. She was tired of this. This was the year, her first year of high school. She wasn’t going to let this be the pattern. She was better than this and deserved better than this. 

Kenny was waiting for her when she came home from camp, sitting on her porch with Karen and Tricia. She tried to play it cool, she wasn’t that excited to see him right? But she was and she jumped into his arms. Kenny was her person. It took five years for her to really realize that. From the moment Kenny was princess Kenny, he did that for her. He had stood up for her and spent time with her. They could be themselves around each other. She wasn’t his trophy, he wasn’t going to tell her what to do. She was her own person and he respected that. She hugged him tighter than she had ever hugged someone before in her life. 

They were holding hands when they walked into their first day of high school. Her first boyfriend since Tweek in the fourth grade. She saw the other girls looking at her curious. Kenny wasn’t the coolest kid in their grade, he couldn’t really buy her anything, take her places. But she didn’t care. She didn't need him to buy her nice things, she didn't need to take her anywhere fancy. She needed him to look at the stars with her and go to her games to watch her cheer with her friends. She liked that he would watch space documentaries with her and sometimes they would get out her telescope and see what constellations they could see. He was a good boyfriend, he kissed her so sweetly and so gently, they weren’t in any sort of hurry. They just liked being together.

Casey was sitting by herself in the library working on her french homework when she felt someone standing in front of the table. Tweek wasn’t shaking anymore, he looked so much more confident then he did back in elementary school. He still had the same sort of bandaids on her hands and arms from the steamer at the coffee shop. He was taller and broader and played the drums in the jazz band. He was smiling at her and she couldn’t help but return the gesture. She usually glared at people or rolled her eyes. Tweek was still the first boy she had ever liked, the first boy who’s hand she had ever held. She would watch him in the school plays, even if his part was small. She still held great affection for him even if they grew apart.

“Can I sit with you?” He was playing with the hem of his green button down shirt. It was still buttoned wrong, that was incredibly endearing.

“Of course.” She pushed the chair across from her out with her foot. Casey Tucker was a fraud. She put on that cheerleading uniform and the makeup and curled her hair and looked like a teen dream. But in the cold light of a Tuesday afternoon, with a loose side braid and a big Nasa sweatshirt, she looked like a baby faced fourteen year old with a crooked smile and nerdy interests. She was in the science club and the french club and went home on the days she didn’t any activities and watching Red Racer after school while eating cereal and doing her math homework. Tweek knew this, Kenny knew this and Clyde knew this and they didn’t care. She had woven herself into the fabric of their lives and had nothing to prove to them. She was Casey Tucker, that was all she had to be.

“Do you want to do something we used to do when we were kids?” Tweek asked her leaning in like it was a secret. “Do you feel like going to Stark’s Pond and throwing rocks in?” That was one of their favourite things to do as kids. She remembered Clyde, Tweek, Jimmy and her tossing rocks at the pond. There was no real end goal there, no point system. Just tossing rocks and watching the splash. She tried doing this with Kenny not that long ago and they ended up kissing instead. Not the usual ending to this day, but she didn’t mind it.

She looked over at her friends and it was just like old times. No worries about school and popularity. Just them doing the things they used to like to do. She laid her head on Clyde’s shoulder and tossed the biggest rock she could at an empty lilypad. They had all of high school ahead of them.

She was cheering at homecoming when she looked over the fence into the bleachers at Kenny. He always stood right in front of her and he always did the routine right along side of them. They were dancing to Patd!’s Victorious, which was ironic since their team absolutely blew. She smiled at him as he shook his hips. She was still self concious for some reason even though she had been doing this for years. She felt everyone was judging her, that she wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or talented enough to be out here. But seeing Kenny dancing around like that, it made everything seem so normal, that this was exactly what it was supposed to be. After the game, he waited for her by the girl’s changing room, held her hand and walked her home. It was all so simple, just them together. It was so easy to be with Kenny, just so easy. She wrapped her skinny arms around the back of his neck as they stood on her porch and they kissed so gently and so sweetly. It wasn’t a race, it was a journey to intimacy. He never rushed her, he never pushed her. They were happy together. 

The summer before their junior year, she was watching Kenny work on his beaten down truck. He looked so good working on things, in a black wife beater tank top and he had muscles now. He looked good before, but he looked so good now. They weren’t having sex, they had been going out for almost three years now. They were taking their time, there was no race to the finish line. It was all about the journey right? 

“All right, lets see how she sounds.” Kenny put the key in the ignition and listened for the purr rather than the roar. Kenny could fix things, he was so smart. He was so smart and good and they had been together for so long. It was second nature to be in awe of Kenny. People seemed to think they were very mismatched, they had nothing in common. She liked sleeping in and animals and took AP classes. She was a cheerleader and was president of the science club. Kenny was Kenny McCormick. He was laid back and liked to go out and have fun. They were opposites, but they worked so well together. They completed each other. She was still so logical and it was hard for her to admit it, but she needed him. He helped her navigate the world around her in a way that she could understand.

“Purring like a kitten.” She teased him gently. “Take me for a drive then.” She wrapped her skinny arms around his middle from behind. She kissed the back of his neck and he smelled like sweat and the faint bit of cologne still and boy and it was so good. She wanted him. She had wanted him before, it was natural after four years together. But she wanted him in a way she had never wanted him before. She put her hands on his back and pressed gently. She could feel his muscles flex for a moment. It made her cheeks heat up, it was honestly one of the hottest things she had ever felt. They were teenagers, they were in the thick of this hormonal haze. She felt this heat under her skin, pulsating and needy. She let out a shaking breath, she had to be cool, not show her cards so easily. Not that it mattered, Kenny could read her like a book.

“Are you sure you want to go for a drive?” He put his hands on her hips and squeezed gently. They had been together for four years, it was natural they wanted each other like this. Sex was big. It was big and it was something they had skated on the edge of, but never really went through the door. She had thought about it, she knew it would happen eventually. But it was so close and she wanted him. 

“No, I'm not sure.” She kissed him like she was dying and he was the cure for everything. Kenny’s hands on her bony hips. Kenny didn't seem to care she had no curves. Or that she wasn’t wearing makeup or that her hair was pulled back into a loose side braid. It was always in a loose side braid that almost reached down to her waist. He didn’t care she was a little nervous, that he had to soothe her nerves down, kiss her so gently, not to spook her. That it had taken them a little longer than most of their peers. Most of them long losing their virginity last year or for some of the quicker movers, their freshman year. They were taking their time, doing this right.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Kenny asked her as he laid her down on her star printed duvet. They were the only ones home. Tricia was at cross country conditioning, her parents were both working. They had plenty of opportunities before, but this was it. It was the first time it actually felt right. It was slow and a little awkward. Limbs were tangled and putting a condom on seemed so much easier in sex ed class. He soothed down her nerves though, he kissed her so gently and he used sweet words and his fingers to make sure she was ready, open and comfortable. It hurt at first and then it felt good. It didn’t last as long as either of them wanted it too and they both looked over at each other afterwards. He still looked like Kenny and she still looked like Casey. Nothing had changed, but it felt like everything did.

“I really love you Case.” He put his hand in her’s and he squeezed gently. The sun was coming in through the curtains and everything was gold and peachy toned. The hour when the sun was setting and everything was pretty and the lighting would have been perfect. Kenny looked so pretty in that lighting. It made his hair shine with gold highlights and his skin glowed. Kenny was so much prettier than she was and she knew it. She reached over and pulled his arms around her. 

“I really love you too honey.” She told him softly. Casey Tucker had lived her life floating in space. She never really felt like she had a place to land. She had no tribe, she never felt like she fit in anywhere. But finding a person that can tether you to this planet and make you feel like you had someone. It was rare and special like seeing a comet or getting exactly what you want when you want it. This energy that radiated from her and either alienated people or drew them to her, Kenny seemed to operate on that wave length. He understood her in a way no one ever had. From the moment he put on that purple and white dress to this moment where they laid in her teenage bedroom and soaked in the afterglow of their most intimate moment together. She was always so afraid of someone seeing her vulnerable and naked. She felt like people didn’t listen to her or put an image on her she never asked for. But with Kenny, she just felt like Casey. 

Her parents would be home eventually and she knew they couldn’t catch them like this. But in that moment, with the pretty lighting and the beautiful boy next to her, she just wanted to be. She just wanted to be with him for as long as she could be.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a genderbend coming of age fic.


End file.
